I just seen how badly written that last post was. Oh well. I'm guessing its okay. Doesn't anyone ever ask themselves what they are doing in all the different areas. One time a friend of mine told me not to be philosphying about life so much or else I was going to be lost in confusion my whole life. Admitting to myself that I do think about life a lot feels good. I mean what else do I do beside just think about life. I'm for sure living it to the best of my ability or so I think. And I wonder why God has me here at this particular place at this particular season in my life. When I wish I could be picking up homeless in Mexico City and helping them get into shelters. Or letting kids in the orphanage in Oaxaca teach me. Maybe backpacking through Costa Rica. I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to do that. Why did I end up here an illegal alien at the mercy of others. What holds me here? I try to understand and figure out but I can't at times I tend to let the ghosts in my head tell me things that are not true. And I keep going because I can't pause this life.