Monday, November 18, 2002

At times I feel like I'm not doing what God is asking me to do. And I wonder if it's God calling me to go somewhere else or is the devil

telling me lies. It's so easy to walk away when things are going wrong or not the way we want them to go. I have dreams of being with my

parents and loving them. And dreams of going back to Mexico and starting the business that I had in mind five years ago. It's hard being

illegal in this country. Not really having the opportunity to do much. To have to rely in other people to use their name even to get a car.

That makes me mad. Mad because here I'm working for a ministry. With a need that I can't do much about unless somebody steps up and

takes a couple swings for me. People who are in control big ministries and big churches. Who could easily try to help me out. But yet they

don't . I'm trying to figure out if they just see me as just another dude who is around. Doesn't really have much. Don't got a college degree,

can't really understand the dynamiccs of the whole networking ministry thing, community development. And all that. Doesn't know how to

work a computer. That's the way I feel right now.

So, I'm I wrong for thinking like that? I don't know. I don't feel the freedom in this free country. I want out.

I was driving back from schoo this morning down California avenue i believe it was. I witnessed a crashed. Two young guys in their early

twenties. It was bad. As i got out of the car and walked towards the crash calling 911. One guys exited his car with his face bright red with

blood. He was screaming at the guy inside the other car. I talked to him and asked him to calm down. He sat on the curve and put a piece

of cloth over his bleeding wound. I began talking to the guy that was in the other car. Trying to see if he was alright. All he could say was

that he was hurt. The driver door was jammed over his left leg. As other people got to the scene including a lady detective. I left the

scene. And as I was going home again. A song came on the radio 90.3. Christian radio station. The song said "I've been watching over

you and protecting you." I was 2 seconds behind that crash.

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